Today

Things change in ways you sometimes can't prepare for.

Ways of thinking, priorities, ...

One day you could love something, and the next its quite boring.....

I find myself in a place where I am not so sure which way my life will go.

Just to realize the things I once felt like I couldn't live without, don't do it for me.

I should be living my life, enjoying myself, parting when I feel like it, with no inhibitions.

and from a distance, I am.

but on the inside, I feel stuck..... and BORED.

What should I do?

I have solace in my boredom... I find comfort in the same things...

My heart wants more.... My soul wants to soar....

The only thing that takes me away is my music...

I don't want to settle....

am I settling?????

Are you settling???????????

writing my first song

Normally words come to me so freely. It's a few things that I feel passionately about;

Music, Writing, and Family.

 I could rant for hours about music, writing, or some random story about a crazy cousin of mine. Recently, I have been trying to write a R&B song. I spoke with some people who have experience with music for advice. 

He told me about bars, verses, choruses, and bridges. One thing he told me that I have been trying to keep in mind was, "Keep everything as simple as possible." Of all the information he gave me, I grasped it all except the bridge. 

Now I find myself in a terrible funk.

I don't know what I want my song to be about, I have been struggling with my bars, and I still don't fully understand how to work bridges.

My biggest dream is to be able to do this, but it feels so hard!!!

UGH

I'm so frustrated. Hopefully this will come to me soon.

Creative writing II summary

"I'm done for now. So one for now. Possibly forever, we had fun together. But like all good things, we must come to an end. Please show the same love to my friends. Dear summer," -Jay-Z

This creative writing II class has changed my perception on so many things. I never thought of myself as someone who wrote novels, or short stories. After going through the class, and the workshop process, I believe it has helped me as a writer and as a person.  I think I am a lot more open to listening, and constructive criticism.

I can admit, when I started this class, I had been really nervous about the idea of twelve people reading my work, and telling me what they loved and hated about it. So nervous, I called my Grandmother to complain. She responded with something that I carried with me the rest of the class, and the rest of my writing career. "What would be the difference in this workshop, and anything else you do in life? Anything that you write, or do, people will love and hate. The fact that you are doing this to better yourself is amazing, and a great opportunity."

And after my workshops, I realize that everyone has preferences, and things that they like. Acquired tastes, or things that masses can relate to, it doesn't matter as long as its a great story. I have read stories that I would have never read in my personal life, and I am very grateful for that experience.

I do believe that everything in life happens for a particular reason, and today I know that this class has given me attributes that will help me become the writer that my heart desires.

Will I continue blogging?

Blogging is something that I had not done before this class, but I will continue. One thing that I feel even more passionately about that writing is educating, evolving, and swapping ideas. Blogging will be a perfect outlet for me to do it all!

Will I send out my query letter? 

I am not 100% sure If I will be sending my query letter, mostly because my story isn't finished. I do know that if I do finish, that looking to be published, will be something I will try to do.

How hard was it to find a publisher?

It was very hard for me to find a publisher. I wanted to find a place where my work would be appreciated for what it is. I also had to keep in mind that a lot of people in my workshop didn't know what I was talking about in a lot of places, and I wanted to go some place where I can be understood, as well as the story being told.

Would I self-publish?

That is hard to say, I'm not sure. I think if I did decide to self-publish, I would like to have someone to help me along the way since I am new to everything. A mentor would be something that any new writer should have, especially If I wanted to come out with a new novel, self-published.

I am SO glad that I have had the chance to work with Ms. Fried in this class, and my previous creative writing I class. My poetry, and complete outlook on my writing has changed, and grown. I will forever be grateful for the insight she has given me this whole year.

A publishing house????

Selecting a publishing house?????


I can admit, this is a thought that had never crossed my mind before this assignment. I can understand trying to find out which literary agent I would be interested in, but publishing house? Not so much so. To me, it seems that a selection like this, my literary agent company would decide, but for the sake of the assignment, I think I've made my decision.

Little Brown
Penguin
Harper Collins
Random House
St. Martins Press


In no particular order, I randomly clicked on each website. Looking on the home page, and on the author list, I couldn't seem to find something that looked interesting to me.

Until I finally came to the Penguin site. After I looked over the home page, my interest had been peaked. Once I realized that the web site looked cool, and easy to use, I looked at the overview.  This is when I felt really excited about not only the company but my place with it.

Authors like Toni Morrison, Terry McMillan, and Eric Jerome Dickey, all work with this company. I tried to search the other sites once more after I found these, but they either had no one to catch my attention, or the web site was too complex for me to find one.

Searching for a Literary Agent

Picky, selective, and indecisive.

This assignment reminds me of walking into Footlocker. I might have a particular sneaker in mind that I thought I wanted to buy. Then I will try on two, and then I find myself weighing the pros and cons of each one.

Which one is more comfortable?
Which one cost more?
Which one could  I match with more clothes?
Which one do I like more?

I could ask myself so many question that Ill discourage myself from buying either pair sometimes. Too picky? Too indecisive? I want to find the right sneaker, and as soon as I think I found it, Ill see something else. Once I finally figure out which on I want... They no longer have my size!!!!!

Looking through the Agents, and the Authors associated with them, I saw a few that I felt interested in. The first one being Amanda Urban- ICM Partners, Located in New York, New York. They had been Omar Tyree's agent and I really enjoyed his work. They like to read commercial fiction, family saga, literary fiction, and suspense thrillers. I was very excited about them until I realized this company is currently closed to query letters.

So, I moved on to the next company that I felt like would appreciate my story, located in Hummelstown, PA. The Sara Camilli Agency, who have worked with Eric Jerome Dickey, and Zane. Suddenly I felt Overwhelmed! Both Eric Jerome Dickey, and Zane have wrote books that I Loved. The genre that they enjoy to read included, erotica, fantasy, horror, multicultural,science fiction, and suspense thrillers.  My excitement soon faded when I realized that like ICM partners, this company is also NOT accepting query letters.

 Now I feel exasperated because the two companies that I felt genuine interest in, are not looking for something new. Finally I come to Serendipity Literary Agency, located in Brooklyn, New York. They have worked with Derrick Barnes, Bil Wright, and Majorie Greenfield. Truthfully speaking, I have never heard of any of these authors. I clicked on the genre and I realized most of the things they like are incorporated in my story. Chick lit, historical fiction, middle grade, multicultural, romance, and young adult. Lucky me, they are actually accepting query letters.

Sleep at Four, Math test at Eight

TIRED.

Couldn't begin to explain the way my body feels today.  

Lack of sleep has had me on edge these past few days, but on edge is when I find my best thoughts from inside the back of my mind.

This Sunday, I had a conversation with a friend at the Green Bean for FIVE hours.
About any and everything thing. We shared POETRY. She heard the my deepest feelings.
VENTING, about SOCIETY... 

 She called me a CONSPIRACY THEORIST.... I guess I cant get mad.

Told me the things I Said went over her head; But my POEMS lack complexity.

Love
isn't complex. 
never fails.
never comes when you want it.
is the only thing in this world that last beyond a life time.  
 

I watched Candles in the Sun by Miguel and CRIED my eyes out last night.
http://youtu.be/mTrnI-XKEH0     <-------


Where has our HUMANITY gone?

When did we become so APATHETIC?

Or do I care too much? who can really say at the end of the day? Perception paints each of our realities, doesn't make mine any less real than yours.  

But its no denying the fact that GROUPTHINK; has turned my generation into Molly using zombies???

  

Fiction Revision

Revision...

Revise?

How do I know what to take out of my paper? What should I now include? What should I keep from the original story? Who should I listen to? who should I not listen to?

All of these are questions that I had to ask myself while working on my revision to the story.

The first change I made, actually came from a lot people within the workshop. I decided to change the name from the day my life ended to Alpha and Omega. I selected this name because its a play on two meanings. Not only does it mean beginning and end, but the story is also about African American Greek College life.

I also decided to put in a few scenes that I had, but took out, and the workshop told me I in fact did need. I decided to listen to a lot of people who enjoy my genre, and  people who I enjoy his or her writing style. I did not listen to people who I has writing styles I cant connect with.

I have a particular vision for how I want things to turn out, and what I want to give to my readers. I figured it wouldn't be logical for me to listen to people who would lead me away from what it was I wanted to give each reader.

Booktube and the movement

23 is an awkward age in 2013.

I remember when we only had a house phone, when you had to record songs on to a tape that you LOVED, walkmans, CD players, and how ugly/expensive Ipod's had been when they first came out.

I remember when it was no internet, no smart phones, but all the cool people had two way pagers. Do yall remember two ways?

Before twitter, we had facebook, and myspace, but the time between lies my age range. Old enough to remember before interconnection consumed us, but young enough to understand it all.

Of all the advances, I do believe YouTube is one thing that I enjoy the most. Watching videos can be completely addictive, but it is a lot of positive things on YouTube down to DIY videos, and things of that nature.

I LOVE HAUL video's. ( Mostly because I have a shopping issue, and it makes me feel better to see other people with the same problem.) Shoes, clothes, make up, or BOOKS, it is a connection that you feel watching someone buying things, and speaking passionately that is amazing.

The Booktubers on Youtube brings the passion that many readers have for books and merges it with our technology today, giving you his or her favorite's, reviewing recent reads, and things they may want to read.

My favorite Booktuber so far would be  

------------------------------------------>MOTHEREFFINGBOOKS <-----------------------------------------------------

She is HILARIOUS, and informative. I enjoyed the fact that she is honest about how she feels, but not disrespectful!! Her editing is great, but the picture quality is usually a little dark but I loved the videos the regardless. Having a sense of humor is a great plus, how ever you find her, I thought it was great. anyway here is a link just for example.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8u6EuAoeDE&list=UUHFpdJ-v5zQtSCWXC-5RxIQ&index=16

Here is a video of her review of Goodreads!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGkcvkbDVzE&list=UUHFpdJ-v5zQtSCWXC-5RxIQ

I think the most IMPORTANT quality a good Booktuber should have, is honesty!!! 

Would I want to Booktube? I don't believe I feel passionate enough to do that to my full potential, but sneakers, YES. 

Good reads

How do I feel about "Good Reads"?


I have sat at my lap top for half of a CD, trying to find the words on how exactly I feel about this social media site. Trying to use it, I find myself neglecting it, the way that I neglect this assignment. It is here, I know that it will not be that complex, it doesn't wreck my mind, but I find myself bored.

Beginning on Good Reads, then my mind will wonder over to something like twitter or instagram. I do believe that the site is very user friendly, but truthfully speaking its BORING. 

I set up my account months ago, and I remember almost feeling like I had actually signed up for eharmony, maybe because its the same principle.Actually going through and selecting the books you had read,and would like to read, felt really time consuming. Maybe I have not found it as engaging because I don't have many friends, and I haven't gave it much of a chance as of yet.

My shelves would more than likely consist of erotic romance, suspense drama, YA, and Urban tales.

I did find a few authors I liked on the site, and I would want to join the book club called Romance lovers for the challenge-impaired.

For the most part Shelfari (Good Reads Amazon rival) is much like Good Reads, but much more appealing to the eyes. Both have a great concept to bring people who enjoy reading together, but in my own personal opinion, I feel that something is lacking that could really bring a large amount of people to these sites.

What am I?

The way I feel when I use him. I guess I could say he takes my pain away, in a indirect, foreshadowing death sort of way.

cool. but warm.

white and skinny....

basic.....and extremely complex.

 you could call him my best friend, but only socially.

I cant take him everywhere....

But I like to take him with me to delicious meals, because he always makes them so much better after.

People get so sensitive wrapped in his undeniable company.

so easily can he be replaced, but when I drag him next to me, he feels irreplaceable.

My parents judge me whenever we chill.

but its no denying the feeling, that he gives me... especially on those days when my boss has pissed me off... I'm beyond pissy drunk at some club....or some other emotional roller coaster.

Still he stinks.

My mom can smell him on my clothes, hair, and breath.

I guess in some ways, I might be a little ashamed of our relationship.

Spraying some air fresher in my car to hide the lingering smell of our hook up.

Since I throw him to the side, when I think someone may turn up a nose.

Maybe its because I know its wrong?

in a indirect, foreshadowing death sort of way.

Dr. Cornell West speaks on Obama using MLK bible to swear in with.

During this weekend and the beginning of the week, I had seen a lot of Photoshop pictures of President Obama and Dr. Martin Luther King together.  As we all know, Dr. King fought for justice for all and equality for African Americans. Many would say that Mr. President would be the ultimate reflection of the dream that Dr. King spoke on during his most well known speech.

 President Obama's most recent inauguration, which also happened to be on MLK day has left a sour taste in someone's mouth. Specifically Dr. Cornell West. (Dr. West is an well known activist, philosopher, and author in the African American community. Almost comparable to Al Sharpton but in my personal opinion a lot smarter, cooler, and fashionable)

The reason why Dr. West is upset during this inauguration week when most have been enjoying the music and festivities could seem really minute to some. While taking the Presidential Oath and swearing, Obama placed his hand on Dr. King's Bible.

In this video, Dr.West explains his reasoning for why this action has left his blood boiling. I decided to post a blog because I want to know your opinion after hearing his. Do you think his reasoning for being upset has validity?

Inspiration

• God
• Love
• Hate
• Pain
• Society
• Family
• Passion
• Aggression
• Confusion
• Darkness
• Light
• Helplessness
• Hopefulness
• Whitney Houston
• My Grandma
• The Sky
• The Infinite
• Nothingness
• Jill Scott
• Erykah Badu

and trying to balance the need to be who I need to be and who everyone else does.

My first writing work shop

One thing I've come to realize with reading and since I've been in my creative writing classes is that, you will not fully understand a story if you don't first understand the character. With that being said, I wanted to give you a brief description of myself before I tell you about my first writing work shop experience.

Since I came to the age of the ability to retain and comprehend, I've been a fan of reading, writing, and music. As a small child, reading EOG scores always surpassed the average. Then one day, my mom bought me "Falling up" by Shel Silverstein. That book introduced me to poetry and I instantly fell in love. Throughout my public schooling I dibbled in all creative expressions. Involving myself in the art guild, theater clubs, but writing stayed dear to my heart.

After school I would write in my journal for hours about some boy, girl, how much my parents made me sick , and the things I thought had been a big deal. By my senior year I had wrote a short story that had been in the hands of most of the senior and junior class, needless to say my head was HUGE.

Now fast forward a few years, and I'm doing open mics's at hookah and coffee shops. Enjoying good vibes, and older creative minds. It was a creative writing high for me, that was  needed during a time where I felt like I didn't have anything or anyone else.

Then one day I'm sitting in a public speaking class and my teacher literally marks all over my paper in RED pen. Needless to say, I was completely infuriated and I felt disrespected. In the words of the great mind Erykah Badu (look her up if you don't know who she is, I love her!!) "Now keep in mind that I'm an artist, and I'm sensitive about my shit."

Now I'm in creative writing two and not only do I have to scribble on my classmates work, I will have to sit and listen to everyone tell me what's wrong with my work. Truthfully speaking its terrifying.

During the workshop, I feel that it was a lot of positive energy. Everyone was pleasant, attentive, verbal, and took the time to be analytical of the story regardless of if they had been interested in the genre personally or not. I do believe that being involved in these workshops will help me become a better writer.

My biggest issue will be getting past my feeling and sensitivities with my work along with my classmates.

"Emergency" by Denis Johnson

The story has a dry dark nostalgic feel that I find very entertaining but somewhat confusing. Taking place in an emergency room during the 70's, two guys who are co-workers and good friends are sharing the experience of a downward spiral using prescribed drugs. The narrator and his friend Georgie are working third shift and have been riding a thin line between reality and strange clouds. The wording and metaphors describing situations and surroundings reminds me of poetry.

I feel like the car ride with the narrator and Georgie is a symbol of their sharing experiences together. The drugs cloud the real reality of the narrator. He walks through the story not sure of what is happening, and when it happened. Most of the time he uses Georgie as a reference to help guide him in what is really happening. The first three times, (I read this story four times) I thought they both used the drugs to deflect from reality, but Georgie uses them to see. 

From when Georgie was introduced he had used his pills and been extremely sensitive to his surroundings, feelings, needs, and lives around him. Mopping up blood on the floor of an operating room, he cries, and continues to cry while speaking with his friend about life. As the story progresses, he goes from being cold and aloof to wanting to save baby rabbits. He pulls a hunting knife out of a guy's face, tries to save baby rabbits after hitting the mother with his car,and tries to save one of the narrator's friends from the military.

There is a lot missing from the story with what the story gives us and I'm very curious to see what happens with them and if I watch the movie Jesus' Son to see if how I feel about Georgie is accurate.